The first time I ever heard about MBTI was in my middle school health class when we took the 16 personalities quiz and I got ISTJ.
Yup. Me. ISTJ.
The funny thing is, I felt that was accurate at the time. I was very proud that 16 personalities said I was the type of person my mom had raised me to be. I related to the perfectionistic tendencies, the focus on practicality, and the nerdiness. To me, I was clearly an ISTJ. After all, nobody other than an ISTJ could possibly be a perfectionistic introvert who likes to learn, right?
I’d become fully convinced that I was an ISTJ. I started getting annoyed with myself when I’d do very un-ISTJ things, like procrastinating or getting bored with a topic.
Mind you, I have ADHD. Of course I struggled with procrastination and boredom! But since 16 personalities and my youth leader’s handy little neat lists of traits had become my new identity, I fell into a very damaging cycle of constantly criticizing myself for acting outside my assumed type’s stereotypical traits.
Eventually, I decided that I was “too intuitive to be a sensing type” and became a self-proclaimed INTJ instead. But still I was stuck in toxic habits because, despite not fully understanding what any of these things meant, I was internalizing them.
Later that year, I was scrolling through the feed on my writing community when I came across a post asking if anyone would be interested in a group chat for INTJs. I excitedly jumped at the opportunity, hoping that these other INTJs would tell me what I was doing wrong so I could become more INTJ-like.
Well before I even got into the group chat, one of the people in the comments pounced on me, asking me about confusing things like cognitive functions and loops. I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. He sent me two or three different tests, none of which were the 16 personalities one I’d taken earlier. As I took them, I focused hard on my responses. I wanted to make sure the result would say INTJ– I had to be an INTJ after investing so much energy into the idea of being one.
Despite my best efforts, he comes back and tells me I’m an ISTP who is looping. He tried to explain his conclusion using cognitive functions and loops, but I wasn’t ready to hear him.
Eventually, I did come around.In fact, I developed what some might consider a hyperfixation on MBTI. I’m so grateful that he was still available to explain when I did come around and that he was able to use his knowledge to pull me out of that toxic cycle. Now the two of us are able to interact as equals, exchange theories, and work together to type people.
No matter where you are in your journey, no matter how many suspicions you have, no matter what cycle you may or may not be stuck in, I’ll be here to help teach and guide you. Releasing ourselves from our self-made boxes is a journey, and I’m glad that we have each other on this adventure.
